so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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