Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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