He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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