if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
