Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize