There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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