Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
