..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
