did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
