In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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