I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah Iโd say sheโs rebounding from the divorce
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