Sry I called you an 8
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
