I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
