k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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