I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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