We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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