We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
