she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize