He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
