I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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