don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
