hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
