saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just high enough for therapy.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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