i used baking grease as lip gloss
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize