so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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