oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
