Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
