His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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