is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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