look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
