She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
