what day is it and did you see me today?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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