At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
