so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
