Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
