my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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