Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
