You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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