I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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