I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
