I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
