$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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