I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
