I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
