real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
