My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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