I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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