I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
