your thong is hanging out like whoa
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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