a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
