so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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