i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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