hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
it glows. i had to have it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
