id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
