I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
