My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize