what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
