there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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