Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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