Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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