Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize