When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Boobs speak an international language.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
