So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The air was thick with penises
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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