I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize