pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
