I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
