Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Randomize
