I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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