dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
