i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
