Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think my fart just growled at me.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
