apparently the secret to your success is patron
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
