Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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