capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
