It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
